we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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