Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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