So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
