After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
