This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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