every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
