I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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