I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
