So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
don't judge my taste in strippers
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
