i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
