Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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