I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
