We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
