He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
