don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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