The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
