Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there is glitter all over my balls
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