Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
