lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
