I wanna passion pit in your ass
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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