Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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