it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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