I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
