I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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