I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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