there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
