We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have fence marks all over my body
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
