your room smells of hookers.
And success
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
