Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Farmville is her only friend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
