It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
