The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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