I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
