Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
