dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
