you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
