I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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