Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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