Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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