A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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