You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
