Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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