yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
