my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
