Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
