dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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