I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize