just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
