Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
