never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
