Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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