I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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