New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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