But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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