Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize