I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
