Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
