if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize