it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
