In the future we'll all be gay
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
