you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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