I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
