is your mom at the bar?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize