New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
