saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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