yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
