Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
