Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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