Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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