Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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