i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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