buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
