im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
