She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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