dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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