You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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