In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
