she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
