Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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