Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
