Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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