so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
