they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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