Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize