I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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